Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Jap, so true

Today's note from the Universe couldn't be more true about me :)))) scaaaaryyyyy :D
Aha! Kristi, do you know what your thoughts did last week?!
Oh, yes you do.
They became the things and events of this week. The things you thought would be difficult became difficult; easy became easy; boring became boring; and fun became fun. Where you thought there might be surprises, you were surprised. And where you thought there might be land mines, there were land mines.
Bravo! You can add this week to the list of your most creative accomplishments.
Now, can you guess what your thoughts this week are going to do?
The Universe

Monday, March 29, 2010

Spring is taking over :)))

Spring is in the air: birds are taking over the sky, snow is disappearing with unbelievable speed and water is breaking itself free - finally. Saw even the first snowdrops /lumikellukesed:/
Big pieces of ice in the river, trying to find their way ahead, kicking and pushing each other.
Boots full of snow I was lying on a fallen tree, watching the sky, listening the sound of the river and thinking ... no idea what or why I´ve been up to lately and you know what - don´t care much, because, even it wasn´t the best decision, the good news is that I can always change it. May-be spring was taking over in this case toooooo :)))
Baked another cake which is almost finished, because it was a small one, quite good one and it was three of us, so .. :D

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sk8er Boi

He was a boy
She was a girl
Can i make it any more obvious
He was a punk
She did ballet
What more can i say
He wanted her
She'd never tell secretly she wanted him as well
But all of her friends
Stuck up their nose
They had a problem with his baggy clothes
He was a skater boy
She said see you later boy
He wasn't good enough for her
She had a pretty face
But her head was up in space
She needed to come back down to earth

5 years from now
She sits at home
Feeding the baby she's all alone
She turns on tv
Guess who she sees
Skater boy rockin up MTV
She calls up her friends
They already know
And they've all got
Tickets to see his show
She tags along
Stands in the crowd
Looks up at the man that she turned down
He was a skater boy
She said see you later boy
He wasn't good enough for her
Now he's a super star
Slamming on his guitar
Does your pretty face see what he's worth?

Where did this song come so suddenly?
Well, finally started to prepare my lessons for next week (semester:) and this is the song from the student book of 7th grade...actually, this is the page we should go through tomorrow - read the lurics from there and realised that in some way this is a message for me :D

.... my head has been and still is also up in space and I really need to come back down to earth in order to keep at least something which/who I love.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Deja vu

... my own thoughts and emotions are so powerful that it is absolutely grazy ... have done a lot of harm to myself with those 2 "things" during the last week.
Often feel like being back in the BEGINNING where I was few years ago. Same people and situations, even very similar reactions and behaviour - what the is this?
Deja vu?
Another lesson to learn?
Totally aware that all I need is a small shift of my own thinking and little bit better attitude towards everything, but at the moment don´t feel like that.
One more thing. I really need to end up living according to other people´s expectations.
That I feel like I should behave in a certain way, because so many people are counting on me.
So what that they do? I need to count on me first, learn to take care of myself before I try to "save the rest of the world".
Yes, I will be an English teacher for 2,5 more months, but that´s it - at least now I feel like that. If it would be the right occupation for me, it wouldn´t seem so difficult and almost impossible to prepare all those lessons. I haven´t been able to motivate myself even open one single book during this week, is it normal?
Tomorrow will be an "interesting" day, because there are no more days left where to shift my schoolwork which needs to be done.
Love the process of interacting with students and discussing about all kind of things, but can´t stand all this formality around language teaching and the fact that I also need to teach all the students who doesn´t give a s...t about learning :D
What about the youth house? Even though somewhere in the bottom of my heart feel like doing it, reality is that spending 8 o´clock from the morning to 8 o´clock in the evening in the middle of youngsters is way too much for me.
After such kind of days, feel like I´ve got nothing left, because I´ve given everything I have, so, seriously consider spening there only 1 day, max 2 days in a week or so, but we will see.
Today is definately NOT the right day to make these kind of decisions.

Thursday, March 25, 2010 the middle of the night ... :)))

Because of the white snow and bright moon, it was possible to ski even at night-time.
Feels amazing when sliding in the middle of empty white fields under the night sky ... all those stars and a master moon ... everything in total silence. Snow sparkling in moonlight.
Went jogging in the morning - don´t remember when was the last time before that, but today it felt the most natural and right thing to do.
Blood donation - I do remember when was the last time :)))
Sat in the Turovski lecture for 2 hours ... lot of information, but also lot of fun - it is good to see and feel that somebody enjoys what he is doing so much as he does.
Yes, unbelievable, there are so many things to do in Lihula :D even too many ...
About me, yes, it was the day of being alive - well, better late than never, right? :))

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I´m not flying, but the time is :))) It is absolutely crazy. Staring into the clock and what can I see ... midnight which means that it is already Thursday.
Where did all the rest of the week go :D? I have been like stoned (yes, I know, people also use this term after smoking hasish and stuff like that:) but I mean stoned in the way that all my life and actions have been paused for last few days. This time just like haven´t existed for me.
Made some hot drink, getting ready for bed ... all the thoughts and ideas ... started to read The Artist Way creativity book today which Kadi left me.
Wrote my first morning pages and if I understood correctly, this course will take 12 weeks, so, it will be 12 x 7 mornings of writing about everything and nothing in order to "open up" my creativity and True Self :D inshallahhhh :)))

Sweet dreams my darling stoned Kristi ...
PS! It is 1:55 at night. Jap, still awake. "Found" some kind of magic power and cleaned up my room - finally. Jap, it was a mess, bad one. Kadi moved out, I moved in and addition to that we emptied our big cupboard in order to trag it into the other side of the room.
Situation was so bad that I had almost no free space to step ... without talking about finding anything. Now the room is far from perfect, but so-so much better. Respect for this night cleaning, but get to bed now, alright !!! :))))

Ela nii, nagu oleks paradiis maa peal !

Tööta nii, nagu ei vajaks sa mingit raha!
Armasta nii, nagu poleks keegi sulle kunagi haiget teinud!
Tantsi nii, nagu keegi ei näeks!
Laula nii, nagu keegi ei kuuleks !
Ela nii, nagu oleks paradiis maa peal!

Work like you wouldn't need any money!
Love like nobody would ever hurt you!
Dance like nobody's watching !
Sing like nobody's listening !
Live the way like there would be paradise on Earth !

/luuletus, mille pabertüki peal Riine käest sain, peale seda, kui ta oli telefonitsi selle Maretile ette lugenud:/

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Some kind of Urban Dictionary says that lazyness is the state of being lazy.

My own defination which I invented today :D looks like that.
LAZYNESS - state of being when even pleasant things or activities seem too hard (almost impossible:) to do.
I know it, because this is the state where I´ve been during last 24 hours or somethink like that. Finally, at 7 o´clock in the evening I motivated myself enough to go out and get some fresh air. That´s a big accomplishment for me at the moment.
Found myself wondering that may-be, actually most probably, it is not wrong to be sooooo lazy sometimes - just - the problem is that Im not able to enjoy being in the state of lazyness because I feel like wasting my precious time :DDD and the more I think like that, the deeper I feel myself "falling".
Ohhh, my goosssshhh, I should be doing this or well, I could do that .... all these kind of statements in my head are driving me grazy sometimes. Kristi honey, why can´t you just be and realx - you are totally aware how effectivly you are able to work or act if need. It just means that there is no need at the moment, so, take your time and go slowly or don´t go at all if you don´t feel like.
But what can I do if I feel that there is so much to do ??? Like really, too much to do and that´s why Im not able to anything :))) Lot of questions in my mind. Will start cooking again. Have done it quite often lately.
On the other day, before sauna, I was in the cooking mood :D and that´s why I just made one thing after another. Today, when Im in a mood of doing nothing :)), I better bake something.
Funny, how my mind works ... well, may-be not so funny but rather "amazing" :D
This "one thing after another" expression which I used before reminds me one sentence from Tolle audiobooks where he says that for many people


Monday, March 22, 2010

Buzzzzzz ...

Life is like a rollercoaster, sometimes rolling itself uphill, sometimes other way around.
Well, the weekend was quite intense and grazy (in a good way:) that no wonder Im feeling exhausted for now.
Tired, so, so tired and I know the more I focus on that, the more tired Im going to feel and actually all it is, is not enough good, let's focus on other things, won't we?
Like what? ... to be honest, the moment I felt like organising my life little bit better - outside and inside - and it actually seemed that Im quite good in it - pretty much everything turned out so much differently than I had expected.
Quess what, life is life ! Full of challenges and and and ... not even sure how to say it. Just, kind of frustrating how easily the old habitual thinking, acting patterns and people from my past are able to take over. The minute I already thought and felt - jeee, I got it ... I understood that there is still such a long way to go.
Am I depressed? ... well, little bit I quess ... even though the more exact words are tired and confused. It is kind of unbelievble how easily the way to see "the world" can change depending the way how I have decided to think or how my inner monologue looks like:)))
Sometimes I find myself wondering how much easier it would be to blame everybody and everything else ... but unfortunately don´t believe in blaming others :D
Like now, after spending few minutes outside, taking some deep breaths, looking into the clear night sky full of stars and thinking how grateful I am for this life ... everything seems so much different. So, actually I know what and how should/could I do when I feel low, but knowing itself is never enough.
There are so many things, people and circumstances to be grateful for...doesn´t matter what is going on in general.
Yesterday, when sitting in this toilet which Meigo built next to this house in the middle of the forest. Toilet without the door and that´s why with an excellent view :))))) ..everything was so totally quiet and sooooo beautiful, nature is something which is hard to describe.
Jap, these are small things which make us happy, small daily things, but I still kind of wait for "something special" to happen. Why? What for?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Teki sees keras ... language will change Est-Eng:))

Jap, tehtud ... pea 3 nädalat kooliõpetaja ametit ja muud kodumaal aseldamist on selja taha jäänud. Lõpuks on see käes - vaheaeg ! :))) Mis sest, et ma juba esmasp minust eile maha jäänud materjalide lademeid sortima lähen ja uut õppeveerandit vaikselt ette valmistama hakkan, aga ikkagi :D
Uskumatu, kuidas ma seda ootasin. Eelkõige seepärast, et saaks kasvõi oma sügisel kokku pakitud riided lõpuks aidas olevatest kastidest ja kottidest välja otsida või siis, et oleks aega/võimalust lihtsalt maha istuda ning mõelda, mis ja kuidas edasi?
Mõtted saavad ju varem või hiljem teoks, nii et ses osas on ju vaja aega, et neid mõtteid natukenegi valida :D

Siin ma nüüd olen, tugitoolis, teki sees keras ...olesklen niisama, UURIN ning MÕTLEN.
Viimase nädala mõlgutused ning unistused on viinud mu nii kaugele, et jõudsin järeldusele - blogi kirjutamine on vaja ingliskeelseks teha :))
Ok, see ehk liialt resoluutne nõue, aga üldiselt küll - siia on paari aasta jooksul päris palju asju kirja saanud, aga natukene globaalsemalt mõeldes on siin ülivähe kirjatükke, mida ma enda nn portfoliona kasutada saaksin.
Anyway, lähitulevikus vaatan ning katsetan erinevaid asju ja püüan leida üles enda tugevamad küljed, et neid siis arendama hakata.
Eesti keele mõistjad, ärge siis pahandage, kui ma kogu selle protsessi käigus end blogis inglise keeles väljendama hakkan.
Maailm on üks suur globaalne küla, mille enamik liikmeid mõistab inglise keelt ning praeguseks on lisaks tekkinud olukord, kus enam kui pooled mu sõbrad ei saa aru meie pisikese maa ja vähese rahva keelest.
Ning loomulikult, inglise keele õpetajana töötades ei tee ka enda keeleoskuse pidev täiendamine ja praktiseerimine üldse mitte paha, seda enam, et olen juba pikk aega soovinud seda keelt vabalt vallata - to become totally fluent in English:))) Ning mine tea ... ehk inspireerib see ka kedagi teist oma keeleoskust parandama või lausa keelt õppima!??
So, we will see what is going to happen or how it is going to be like. As most of my reading or listening materials have been and still are in English, it shouln´t be hard and actually -Im still amazwed how I managed to keep my blog in Estonian all the time while being abroad. So, now, being back here, it will change ... finally :D

Well, it doesn´t mean that there will be no Estonian at all any more, but it means that here will be mostly English - at least for a while. The main reason doing so is to find out how fluently am I able to express all the thoughts and experiences which I have and which kind of writing style do I have if I write in English?

Like many people know and have noticed - I love, love writing. For me, the easiest way to express myself is to do it in a written way. It doesn´t matter that actually I still have almost no clue about English punctuation :))) ... but I can always learn it I suppose.
Never the less, the fact is that writing really is and always have been the activity which I really really enjoy and second of all - I need my freedom to choose the place and time where and when do I "work".
Yes, Im totally aware that time management and self-dicipline are not the easiest qualities to aquire, but allowing somebody else (like a boss:) to tell me what and how should I do with my time is also not the best option:D
One of my goals for 2010 is to find out what I am good at and start doing it. In the same time loving what I do and doing what I love, so, we will see ... inshallahhh :)))
Did some research, trying to find out what my options would be if I will finish working as a teacher in June. Even if they want me to continue, something inside me doesn´t agree with it. Despite the fact that I´ve actually enjoyed my time at school in most days, I feel it is not "my thing".
Found quite many interesting sites which I definately want to investigate in more detail - who knows, may-be I happen to recognise "my thing" :D or at least get some inspiration and new thoughts. Yes, earning money is one goal, because I need some sometimes :))) but finding out how could I live my life the way I like, is the most important thing.
I really believe that the moment Ive discovered "my way" - the reason why I am here in this Earth, what Im good at and what is it which I can "give" to others ... the money will come as a result of it. Making lot of money sure isn´t my need or desire number one. If I wrote down my three main ideas/dreams, there were 3 BIG topics with 3-4 subheadings and "financial freedom" was the last subheading under the topic "I know what I am good at and what I want to do".
Also, I feel like explaining what financial freedom is for me. It is not being a millionaire - even though I might end up as one :)) - being free to do what I want with people who I like go where ever I want without feeling:
"Ohhhh my God, I can not go there or do that, because first of all, I have no free time, next holiday will be after 10 months (well congratulations:) and to be honest, I have no free money also, because we have a big loan, all those bills. I spend most of my time at work witout liking it very much, actually, very ofter I kind of even hate it. I wish I could quit my job, but I can´t, cause I NEED my salary, I NEED money to pay off all my financial responsibilities".
Well, like Kiyosaki is writing (and he is right) the more we NEED, the weaker we are. The NEED and the FEAR stop us to live the life we actually dream of. But this is the only life which we have -at least at the moment, so ... GO FOR IT !
If I don´t succeed, well, quess what, I can try as many times as I like :D
You can do the same, we all can do it, but the thing is that most people are too stuck and busy with their lives that they don´t have the time to think - WHAT DO I REALLY WANT ?
WHAT do you really want, do you know that? I also don´t know exactly, but I sure am on my way to find out :)))

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Kõik, mis teen ...

...teen iseendale. Ometi kipun seda niiiiiiiiiiiii sageli unustama !!!
Ma olen ülimalt usin ja kohati peaaegu asendamatu, kui miskit tegema hakkan, ent tahaplaanile jääb kõike olulisem - MINA ISE.
Kui ma enda eest ei hoolitse, siis pole mul peagi teistele enam midagi anda:)) Hoolitsemise all pean ma silmas kõike, alates piisavalt magamisest, õues olemisest, lõpetades kirjutamise, lugemise ja muude asjadega, mida hea meelega teen.
See, et oehhh, mul on nii kiire, et mul pole isegi aega korralikult süüa teha või pool tundi lugeda või tunnikeseks koeraga metsa minna ... tegelt ma tean, et see on täielik bullshit jutt. Lihtsalt, mingeid mõtte- ja käitumismustreid on niiiiii raske muuta, et sageli on kergem alla anda ning isegi mitte proovida.
Respect nende suhtes, kes ennast ja oma aega sedasi planeerida suudavad, et rahul ja õnnelikud on
Eile, ahjusuu ees istudes ja tulle vaadates lasin oma fanataasial vabalt lennata ning tuli justkui mingi ettekujutus, mida TEGELIKULT teha tahaksin, aga inshallahhh - ei hakka miskit ära sõnuma.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Ideede tulv

Magan keskmiselt 5-7 tundi ööpäevas - see on minu jaoks ilmselgelt liialt vähe. Täna on lootust, et lähen mõistlikul ajal voodisse, jap, seda ma teengi - arvatavasti :D
Nii palju ideid ja mõtteid on, et aega tundub kogu aeg napilt olevat, kuigi usun endiselt seda, et kokkuvõttes on tegu ainult illusiooniga.
Vahest on tund aega niiiiiiiiiiiiii pikk aeg, mil saab miljon asja tehtud-mõeldud. Teisel hetkel on tund aega vaid üks hetk - neid näiteid on lõputult ning eks igaüks ole seda aja võlu ja valu omal nahal kogenud.
Mul on koolipäevadega sedasi, et kuigi juhtub miljon asja, läheb asi sisuliselt ühe hingetõmbega algusest lõpuni - enne, kui arugi saan, ei ole kell enam 6:00, mil ärkasin, vaid 15:10.
Uuuuuh, järjekordne mega intentsiivne päev selja taga. Klassiruum soojast kevadpäikesest üles kuumenenud ja lämbe.
Ma võin neid tunde anda, aga peaksin tõesti endale kellegi appi võtma, kes tunde ette valmistaks ning hiljem neid lademetes töid parandaks:))
Vaatamata sellele, et olen täiskohaga õpetaja, on mu mõtted viimastel päevadel täiskohaga noortemaja juures olnud ... laup õhtul, kui olin 2 klaasi reede õhtust järele jäänud shampust ära joonud, tuli inspiratsioon ning kirjutasin noortemaja blogisse asjadest, mis mul peas keerlesid ... mitte et see shampus siin mega asjaosaline oleks olnud, aga mine tea :)))

Pühapäeva hommikul, kui kell 8 silmad lahti tegin, "tekkis" justkui iseenesest järgmine kirjatükk - sel korral mõeldud vallavanemale ja kultuurinõunikule.
Noored vist on jah üks minu kirgesid ja nendega tegelemine asi, mida mulle tõesti meeldiks teha ..vähemalt nendest kirjutamine kindlasti on :DDD ... formaalne koolisüsteem, kus praegu olen, pole siiski päris minu ala :)))
Samas, seni, kuni ma veel finantsiliselt vaba pole :DDD on vaja siiski vabatahtlikus korras peetava noortemaja kõrvale midagi, mis sisse tooks. Ratsionaalne-majanduslik mõtlemine väidab vähemalt sedasi või nii, kuigi elu on minu silmis kõike muud kui ratsionaalne:D
Nii et võib-olla vaja lasta enda organiseerimistuhinatel natukene vaibuda ning vaadata, kuidas asjad omasoodu kulgevad, võib-olla loksuvad "iseenesest" suurepäraselt paika... samas, minu kirjast ajendatuna on homseks noortemajja ümarlaud kokku kutsutud - hmm, nii palju siis enda asjasse mitte segamisest :))

Monday, March 8, 2010

Kohver taas veerema

Istun diivanil ning vaatan, kuidas ahjuservale pandud küünlaleegid ärevalt võbelevad. Kui arvutist tulev vaikne surisev hääl välja arvata, on kõik vaikne.
Käisin just köögis ja panin laua pealt Kadi suure teetassi ära.
Alles ajasime küll tarka, küll lolli juttu, aga juba on ta lännu. Mu kulla kohver koos temaga - sai viimane vaevalt nädalapäevad lendamisest puhata :D
Isa läkski Kadit praegu Pärnusse õhtuse Vilniuse bussi peale viima, kust ta homme ära lendab.
Meigo peaks otsaga veel USAs olema, aga kõigi eelduste kohaselt saavad nad peagi Dublinis ema juures kokku. Ega me päris normaalsed ei ole, seda teame juba ammu, aga mis teha, eks kõik on omamoodi. Me lihtsalt oleme vist perekond rändajad, muud ei midagi:))))
Samas on sellise eluviisi positiivseks küljeks asjaolu, et mida kaugemal me teineteisest viibime, seda enam saame aru, kui olulised ja kallid kõik üksteisele oleme. Sedasi võttes ei ole me nagu kunagi lahus, sest me oleme tegelt kogu aeg teineteisega, kuhu iganes me ka ei läheks.
Võib-olla isegi oluliselt rohkem koos, kui perekonnad, kes füüsiliselt päevast päeva teineteisega koos viibivad, nii et ses osas ma küll ei tunne, et miskit valesti või puudu oleks. Ju siis meile sobib sedasi, vähemalt praegu küll. Eks elu näitab, mis ja kuidas edasi?
Eile hommikul, kui saunalaval istudes - seal oli laupäevasest saunast veel hea soe õhk sees - Kadiga mitu tundi maast ning ilmast vatrasime ning teineteise vahepeal täis kirjutatud märkmikke vaatasime, siis ... mnjahhh, ütleme nii, et viimased 100 päeva oleme nii erinevates kohtades nii erinevat elu elanud, ometi nii sarnaseid asju läbi elanud ning sarnaste järeldusteni jõudnud, isegi samu tsitaate üles kirjutanud jne. Hmmmm, everything really is connected I quess.
Vaatan, mis ta siin vahepeal peale minu äraminekut korda on saatnud ning ei jõua ära vaadata. Peale minu lahkumist oli ehitus küll sealmaal, et vaheseinad püsti, elekter veetud ja aknad-uksed ees, aga kui saun ja vannituba välja arvata, ei näinud miski muu küll kodu moodi välja. Me sõime, taldrikud põlvedel, ning kõndisime betoonpõrandatel :)))
Praegu aga istun ma kenas kodus, millesse on pandud hulk energiat, armastust ja hoolt.
Kadi, kogu see lõputu lihvimine ja algselt täiesti hullumeelsetena tundunud ideed - müts maha su ees, tulemus on imeilus. Jah, palju on veel teha, aga niiiiiiii palju juba ka tehtud.
Mul on ainult rõõm ja au sellest kõigest osa saada ning jään hea meelega siia mõneks ajaks toimetama.
Istun praegu meie suurima toa diivanil, vaatan kamin-ahju serva peal väreleva leegiga põlevaid küünlaid, meie nädalavahetusel tehtud pilte ning ei kujuta küll ette, mida veel õnneks vaja on.
Prioriteedid on üleüldse päris kõvasti loksutada saanud, kvaliteetaeg on taas väga hinnas. Aeg, et oma elu elada, oma mõtteid mõelda ja jagada ning endale oluliste inimestega koos aega veeta. Lõpuks on just need hetked need, mis meelde jäävad ja elu eriliseks teevad.
jap, kõik on praegu kergelt nostalgilise alatooniga, aga iga lõpp on taas millegi algus ning iga lahkumine annab vaid võimaluse peagi taas kohtuda, nii et enjoy your trip little sister !
PS! peaaegu üks öösel. Hakkasin magama minema ning vaatasin oma kooliasjade lauda üle, et mul homme kõik vajalik kaasas oleksid, kui avastasin ühe ilusa kaardikese ja ma loodan, et selle kaardi autoril pole midagi selle vastu, kui ma need mulle pisara silmanurka toonud read ka siia kirja panen. Ilusat lendu sulle ...otseses ja kaudses mõttes kullake !

Kallis Lopa pere!
Ma loodan, et see vähene, mis ma siin teha jõudsin,
toob teile rõõmu ja inspireerib teid...
Nii palju asju on veel teha,
aga see on alati nii,
ju areng ei lõppe kunagi,
tuleb ainult osata nautida tegevust,
sest asjad muutuvad ja lagunevad,
aga see tunne, millega neid teha, on igavene ...
Ju vahest peab pesas kosumas ja puhkamas käima,
et oleks jõudu edasi lennata!
Kõike kõige paremat teile !

Talverõõmud ... lumi, lumi, õde ja koer :)))

Friday, March 5, 2010

Kaugel-kaugel, kus on meie kodu

Kell on 21:21. Tulin veidi aega tagasi õuest. Rohkelt valget lund ja erakordselt palju säravaid tähti taevas. Ruumi, õhku ja vaikust. Privileeg :D

It really looks like we are living in the middle of NOWHERE ... keset tühermaad ja lõputuid põlde, seal ongi MEIE KODU.

Selja taga on parajalt hullumeelne nädal - ei ole väga kaua nii intensiivselt töötanud/tegutsenud.
Sisuliselt igal hommikul kl 6 üles, et enne kooli asju ette valmistada, siis iga päev kella neljani koolis ning õhtuti ka veel stabiiliselt 2-3 tundi kooliasjade lainel.
Ning ometi on peale kõike seda ikkagi tunne, et ei ole päris nii, kuis tahaks, aga mis seal ikka.
Vaatamata liig vähestele unetundile ja asjaolule, et pole siiani saanud isegi mahti oma kohvrit lahti pakkida, on hea tagasi olla.
Poleks uskunud, et igas mõttes nii sooja vastuvõtu osaliseks saan. See kehtib nii õpilaste kui ka teiste sõprade-tuttavate kohta. Igas mõttes TAGASI OODATUD tunne on igal juhul - SUUR aitähh teile!
Eks vahest ikka jookseb kuul kokku, et mis ja kas ja kuidas, sest ajal ikka vääääga imelikud mõõtmed - alles eelmisel reedel tegin pingutusi, et surfilaual püsida ning hakkasin asju pakkima, et seejärel Taghazoutist Agadiri poole liikuma hakata.
Tänase reede eesmärk see-eest oli sootuks teistsugune: 7 koolitundi edukalt seal tahvli ees üle elada, kõik vajalik info e-kooli sisse kanda ning enne pimedat tagasi koju jõuda, et saaks suuskadel mööda valgeid lagendikke liuelda:DDD

...uni on miljon, hambad puhtaks ja teki alla :)

PS! kõik Kadi ja Andrese filmivõtted on tehtud sisuliselt meil siinsamas maja ees ja maja taga, nad on andekad, kas pole?

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Ise olen ...

Eesti vanasõna peab ikka paika, et kes teisele nime annab, see ise seda kannab.
Hommikul vara ... ilus ja valge ja puhas on kõik. Käisin just oma autot lume alt otsimas :D koeraga mängisin ... see, et eile kõik udu-sudune tundus tähendab vaid, et ise olin see udu-sudune olevus, muidu ei oleks ma seda tajunud.
Üleväsimus oli vist selle asja nimi ja nagu mu isa ikka armastab öelda - väsinud inimene peab puhkama.
Jap, hea uni teeb imet, kuigi eilsest vara magamaminekust ei tulnud midagi välja, sest need mõned lonksud Vana Tallinnat, mis unerohuks ära jõin, et vara tuttu jääda, äratasid hoopis täiesti üles.
Ning mis nendesse mitmesse võimalusse puutub, siis vaja ainult tänulik olla, et elu nii lahkelt erinevaid uksi avab - aitähhh, aitähhhh, aga ma vajan praegu natukene aega kohanemiseks.

Back to Reality :)))

Siin ma nüüd olen ... kultuurishokk ja väsimus on suurem kui arvasin.
Jah, lumi on ilus, aga kogu see hall udu-sudune Eestimaa koos oma peaaegu sama udu-suduste inimestega, kuna kõik on pikast talvest väsinud ... see kõik on päris hirmutav ja mis kõige hullem, tundub, et kiiresti nakkav !
Jah, ma saan aru, et Eestimaa on mu kodumaa ning ma olen mingi eesmärgiga just siia sündinud, aga tahes-tahtmata leian end dilemmatamas, et kas ja mis?
Olgem ausad, viimastel päevadel Marokos olles, teadmisega, et mul on tegelikult taskus open ticket, mis kehtib novembrini, käis korduvalt peast läbi: "Mis siis saaks, kui ma praegu tagasi ei lähe?" Aga meest sõnast (ja naist ka:) ning siin ma nüüd olen, vaatamas enda süles lasuvat õpikute hunnikut ning homseid tunde ette valmistamas.
Ei, ma ei kahtle selles, et ma hakkama saan, aga tean, et see saab päris raske olema. Nii või teisiti olen iseenda jaoks praegu otsustanud, et järgmised kolm kuud olen pühendud koolile ja oma õpilastele ning siis vaatan, mis edasi?
Aga asi selles, et lisaks tuleb vasakult ja paremalt igasugu pakkumisi, alates ühele austraallasele eesti keele tuutoriks olemisest ja ameerilaste poolt läbiviidavas uuringus osalemisest, kuni projektide kirjutamiseni.
Nii palju valikuid ja avatud uksi, et ei tea, mida võtta ja mida jätta? Häda, kui midagi ei ole. Veel suurem häda, kui seda kõike liiga palju on, nii et saa siis aru???
Tean ennast, et kui end millegagi seon, siis olen hingega asja juures, nii et ei saa ega tohi end liialt killustada .... muidu ei jää must endast suurt midagi järele, aga praegu hingan lihtsalt sügavalt sisse ja välja ning võtan endale natukene aega Eestimaa elu-oluga harjuda ning siis püüan aru saada, mida sisetunne ütleb ... aga sisetundele vaatamata ütleb mu äratuskell homme hommikul kl 6, et aeg on ärgata, nii et ... :DDDDD
Samas jällegi - kuigi täna veel uskumatult väsinud ning täiesti omas maailmas, oli uskumatult hea, kodune ja soe tunne oma klassis istuda, koolisööklas külmkoorekastet süüa ning taas oma õpilastega kokku saada. Või siis autoga koju jõuda ning näha, kuidas Torre saba liputades kannatalikult ootab - ikka ja alati olemas, doesn´t matter what! Ja muidugi kodu üleüldse, seesama kodu, kuhu eelmisel aastal nii palju aega ja energiat sisse sai pandud ning mis vahepeal tänu Kadi usinatele kätele nii palju ilusamaks on muutunud ...nii et tegelt on vist ikkagi hea tagasi olla. Home Sweet Home.
Vähemalt praegu ja mõneks ajaks ! I will be doing it anyway, so, I´ll better try to enjoy it :) Inshallahhh. Mis sest, et kõrvus loksuvad veel ookeanilained ning ma pigem kätega sööma kipub ja kohati araabiakeelseid väljendeid kasutan !